Each relationship has crises for different reasons, but some of these problems can be identified in most separations. Check out what they are and how to prevent them from reaching a critical point.
How many relationships end because of maladjustments that go on for too long until they become unsustainable? When a relationship is over, everyone tries to find out what went wrong, but during dating or marriage, couples sometimes fail to give proper attention to problems that may seem harmless but that are capable of leading to a breakup and even end of love.
The reasons that led each couple to the decision to be together can be as varied as possible. What is common to all of them is the desire for unity to work. We are always relating, whether at work or with friends. And every relationship is a constant exchange and requires an exercise in tolerance, flexibility and complicity.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. In order to keep you healthy, you must be aware of the problems that may arise so that you do not gradually become unbearable. This is what the clinical psychologist, relationship specialist, Pamela Magalhães emphasizes: “Exactly because it is not a fairy tale, there are several relationships that invariably face crises, but the aggravation and chronicity of them can lead to serious harm to the relationship “.
Relationships may end for a variety of reasons, but there are some that can happen more often and that, if detected, can be resolved. Psychologist Pâmela Magalhães has listed the main signs of a relationship in imbalance, that is, in need of repair. Be aware of the signs and take advantage of not letting them get close to your relationship:
The 11 Greatest Relationship Villains
1. Excess of individuality
When you are single, life follows a course decided only by you, your choices, your preferences. But when the proposal is for life to two, this operation needs to be rethought: “No one is talking so that he abdicates particularities and individuality, but that he has good sense, preserving his world, the world of the other and the world to two. Impositions, selfish attitudes and the insistent denial of the existence of the other in our choices will always result in misunderstandings if the movement does not include dialogue, exchange of opinions and empathy, “explains Pamela.
She adds that insisting on individualistic behavior can gradually drive away the partner, who feels left out, will also gradually drift apart, creating an unplanned scenario where they will be socially married and emotionally separated.
2. Problems of dialogue
Communication is the key point for all types of human relationships. It is the main instrument of enabling an effective relationship and what allows us to express and learn. A lot of people keep the little problems that come up for themselves, but these can become big issues that could have been avoided if there was simply an exchange.
“We need to exercise dialogue always, dividing our points of view, yearnings, dissatisfactions, and satisfaction as well. Our partner will only understand what happens to us from the moment we tell him and vice versa. The more we close or even present poor, impermeable and rigid communication, we will gradually drift away from each other until we begin to speak so different languages that no one else understands the relationship. “
A loving relationship needs both to have an interest in pleasing, helping and making the other feel loved and special. But unfortunately, often this care does not happen or diminish after a while. What is left is a cold, empty relationship that does not leave anyone satisfied.
“If in your relationship there are still discussions, incredible as it may seem, there is still a wounded love struggling for survival, literally. If the attitudes and behaviors, although visibly inadequate or even aggressive, do not impact us more, as where the partner was or did not care, nothing hurts, annoys or even hurts, is that we really achieve indifference “, warns Pâmela Magellan.
Trust is a key part of any relationship. Without it, relationships will remain superficial, unbelieving, and empty. For there to be a two-part story, one has to believe in one who has been chosen to share a life and thus plunge without fear into the relationship.
“Just as excessive jealousy can lead to exhaustion, persistent questioning, endless attempts to control the other, as if the partner were property, could result in constant distrust and depersonalization of the spouse. In this scenario, nothing peaceful and limiting, the relationship may present discussions and dissatisfaction, leading to the relationship to the most serious crises. “
5. Lack of time
The chaotic routine of today is undoubtedly aggravating in the everyday life of anyone. But if the choice is to relate and build a family, it is necessary to manage the time in order to preserve the quality of the coexistence. Loving relationships need to be cared for, they need time for entertainment, relaxation, leisure, and especially dating.
If this separation is constant, it can cause serious damage and weaken the bond of the couple. Avoid constantly prioritizing work and social life, hurting the moments with the partner and your family. It is also dangerous to conclude that the other will understand the distance, it may be necessary to talk about the matter and thus understand if something is missing.
6. Instability of mood
Any relationship requires flexibility, waist play, and weighting. They are two people, that is, two different heads that sometimes will agree and others, however, avoided, will live impasses. Everyone gets annoyed at times, and letting that flow can, in many cases, be better than holding on. But it is very important an attempt to keep the mood as stable as possible so that there are no baseless discussions that are tiring and that makes it very difficult to get along.
7. Decreased physical contact
The psychologist Pâmela Magalhães emphasizes the need for the couple to maintain physical contact: “Dissatisfaction with the partner and, especially the accumulation of them, will imply the decrease of the desire not only sexual, but also of any effective initiative, such as caring, sitting close, lying down in the lap or even distribute kisses and hugs for no apparent reason. These attitudes, although often simple, carry affection and serve as an emotional fuel for the nurturing of the relationship, making both feel desired and recognized. All people like, and much, to feel themselves perceived. “
8. Disqualification of the other
The partner’s encouragement and recognition of their right qualities and actions propel the relationship to levels of complicity and mutual admiration. This work of stimulating the partner should be a constant and two-way exercise. When both are no longer aware of the importance of praising and supporting, the relationship may wear out and, in a contrary result, make each person feel devalued and prone to criticize as well. When you do not perceive the value and actions of the other, each one of you is on your side lamenting how much you did for the relationship that was not perceived or valued, and so the separation is inevitable.
9. Incompatibility of values and plans
It is not uncommon for relationships to perceive that expectations and plans are unequal. Both the values of each and what they expect from the relationship and the future life may be incompatible, and this situation must be taken with caution. At the same time, trying to change the other or impose your decisions will seldom take effect and the more likely it is that, once again, the relationship will wear out. Pamela Magalhães exemplifies that “when the desire to have a child, for example, is only one part, this situation can generate much conflict and dissatisfaction. If the couple remains rigid and malleable for the possibility of giving in or even rethinking positions, the crisis will no doubt cease. “
10. Lack of respect
“This slip can appear clearly during any discussion of a couple. When we talk about a healthy relationship, during a disagreement both talk and share points of view, so that more elucidated can find a common denominator and move on. But when faced with conflicts, the couple acts with irony, sarcasm, accusing, inferring or even attacking, to the point of disqualifying and hurting the partner, we are first of all facing a great lack of education and, of course, a lot of disrespect”, warns Pamela.
11. Constant desire to change the other
Many people enter into a relationship believing that over time certain details of the partner will change or improve. This may even happen, at low levels, an adequacy to the expected, the attempt to balance what one is with what the partner expects. But no one changes by obligation and sometimes does not even have that intention. When there is a frustration about the expected outcome that is not achieved, charges may appear that will not bring positive balances.
Relationship specialist Pamela Magalhães explains: “We only change when we really want, on our sole and exclusive wish. We can even influence ourselves with what people point us to or even insist on asking us, but change even when we are convinced that this is indeed the best choice. So insisting, arguing, even shouting at your partner to change it and adjust to what you believe to be ideal can lead to endless fights, too much stress and too little payback. “
4 statements about failed relationships
Check out which villains the interviewees believe have caused the end of their relationships and how they appear in practice:
Silvana, 31, journalist:
“I believe that in my last relationship the biggest fault was really mine. After the birth of our son, I began to feel very stuck since I had a very hectic life before pregnancy. I did not hold the bar and I began to feel like living other things without being able to appreciate what we had together. I think it was a sum of lack of excitement on my part, inability to hold the bar of the baby’s early years. But I also have to mention that, for him, his work was always more important, which frustrated me. “
Denise, 32, producer:
“Although my partner was one of the people I most admired, honest, funny and very intelligent, we had communication problems. He took a lot of work and prioritized the time for it. We hardly spoke during the week, but we had a lot of fun on weekends. But after three and a half years I wanted more intimacy, more communication, I wanted to plan our future and he did not do it. And though he had said many times that I was not well, everything was for him. This lack of understanding of both eroded our relationship until I no longer felt desire, no longer felt, and I finished. “
Jéssica, 36, businesswoman:
“I think what killed us was the fact that we opened a joint venture together and worked at the same time. We did everything together, shopping, work, events, travel. She had no more surprise, no time to miss. When we got home we would only talk about what happened right or wrong in the company and usually what had gone wrong. No one remembered much of what went right. And we ended up arguing even more, or going to sleep without talking. And so it went … down hill. “
Paula, 28, merchant:
“Insecurity was the big problem because it unleashes a host of other problems like jealousy, possessiveness and mistrust. I think that the insecurity deposited in the other reflects a lack of it that the partner can not afford. There is no one to sustain such a relationship for long. “
After reading this text, you may realize that many destructive behaviors may go unnoticed and thus end a happy relationship. Enjoy the tips and invest so that your relationship is lasting and healthy for everyone.